Dating

I've spent the last year going on dates and trying to figure out what I really like and what I don't. I have had some pretty funny experiences and thought I would share some tips on what NOT to do.

1. Don't be arrogant. Yes, you're trying to sound impressive but telling me that you could have played in the NFL if your high school coach had let you play more makes you sound stuck in the past and like the type of person who is going to blame everyone else for your problems. I'm not on board for that.

2. Don't drop relationship altering news without giving someone an out. If you decide to tell someone halfway through a date that you don't believe in monogamy, check in with how your partner feels about that. Don't just drop that and pretend like you can move on without both being on the same page.

3. Don't invite yourself in after the first date. I once said goodnight to a guy, closed the door, and started getting ready for bed before hearing a knock at the door. He asked for a cup of coffee and since he was driving a long ways away and I knew he was tired, I obliged. Looking back, this was not a great decision for my safety and I'm glad my dog Walter was kind of my barrier/protection. I later started thinking he could have stopped by any number of coffee shops instead but my niceness got the best of me.

4. Be clear on what you want from a relationship. Saying you want to take things slow is different from saying you don't want a serious relationship. Communicate what you're looking for so that the other party has the chance to back out if things don't match up.

5. Don't start dating until your ready. If you're actively pursuing someone, be sure that you're ready to date. If you're not, you'll just end up hurting an innocent bystander.

6. Don't keep a pile of empty beer cans next to your bed. This may just be because my dad is alcoholic but this really upset and disgusted me. Even if you have a normal relationship with alcohol, this makes it seem like you don't.

7. Don't pick the location of the date and then try to make me feel guilty that you paid the tab. There is such a thing as free dates. If you don't want to pay for dinner, don't insist that we go to dinner. It's not like I forced you into that choice.

8. Don't take a vegan to a steakhouse. This can apply more generally too but if you know a girl isn't interested in something, it's inconsiderate to take her there. I had a guy take me to a greek restaurant and insist that I get the lamb. All this tells me is that you obviously don't listen to me or care about how I feel.

9. Don't take yourself too seriously. Dates are awkward so laugh at yourself when you can. I went on a date with someone who was trying to show off his car and accidentally pressed a button that made his seat move up and forward really quickly. I couldn't help but laugh! It was so endearing that he laughed too but I could tell he felt embarrassed. No need to be embarrassed about it.

10. Don't be creepy. Please understand that dating can actually be very dangerous for women. So when I say that I'd prefer to meet you someone instead of you picking me up, that doesn't mean I don't like you. It just means I'm trying to be safe.

11. Don't break up with someone by fading away. I admit that I've done this but usually just with someone I talked to but never went on a date with. If you meet in person and make that effort, make the effort to have the talk if it's not working. Even if it's just via text (although please don't do that for serious relationships). It's just more respectful.

12. Don't involve all of your friends too soon in the relationship. I dated a guy that took me to a party with all of his closest friends for the 2nd date. While it was nice to be included in his life, I was still trying to get to know him and this date didn't let us do that. Later that day when we did get time alone together, he decided to drive me around on his golf cart because he wanted to talk to his neighbors about cars. It was like I didn't even need to be there. It felt like he had no interest in getting to know me.

13. Don't let you nerves get the best of you. Dating makes me super nervous so I can relate when the guy I'm seeing is nervous too. However, if you've gone on multiple dates, the nerves should start to fade away. I dated someone that 4 weeks in was still as nervous as day one and because of this wouldn't even put his arm around me. His lack of confidence kept the relationship from going anywhere.

14. Don't neglect. This is my biggest pet peeve. If I'm dating someone, I want to talk to them a lot and see them pretty frequently. When I go weeks without seeing someone I feel like I might as well not be dating him at all.

15. Don't disappear and then try to come back. I'm not sure why this is a trend in my dating life but it seems like the men I'm with don't realize what they have until it's gone. That's not a fun game for me and I'm not into taking guys back anymore.